Here We Go.

Well, turns out I didn't end up having to wait the full ten days.

So Tuesday morning I went to the clinic to officially get started with my treatment. I did some blood work (which resulted in a blown vein and subsequent nasty bruises), did an ultrasound to check uterine lining, ovaries, follicles, etc (thank goodness everything looks good right now), and then I met with my nurse to go over my medications and learn how to give the injections. 

She gave me the injection pen, a mock cartridge, and a needle and had me assemble everything, then showed me how to measure the right dose, and finally had me practice how to give it with a little rubber square. When I unwrapped the needle and began screwing it onto the pen, I just burst into tears. 

Because ya know, part of me was really hoping that this last cycle would be the winner, that everything would finally work out and I wouldn't have to pursue fertility treatments any further, and everyone could say "see Megan, you made a big deal out of nothing". I was willing to swallow my pride and accept that statement. 

But as I sat there, staring at the needle, I just couldn't believe that this was all happening. I couldn't believe that Joey and I are actually doing things that for months were just talk, something we said we'd worry about once we got there. As my nurse and I went over all of the paperwork and the medications and procedures and calendars, I felt like a bit of a human experiment---and taking some medications and doing injections isn't even the craziest thing people do just to have a baby! 

But anyways.....I started Letrozole, my first medication on Wednesday morning, and waited for my other three to be delivered on Thursday.

As I unpacked the large box and cooler of medications, I was completely overwhelmed. Everything I felt while learning to give injections came flooding back as I held the needles, the alcohol swabs, the vials and bottles of medication in my hands. I felt scared and nervous---what if we mess up? What if I forget a day, or we give the wrong dose of Follistim? What if we don't inject in the right spot? Its so nerve-wracking. I mean I now have my own biohazard box for crying out loud! And I'll spare you the details of how mood-killing and awkward it is to have to schedule every intimate moment with your spouse when you're doing a medicated cycle. All of this isn't what you think about when you day dream about starting your future family. But this is where we are now. 

Sunday night I have my first injection of Follistim. This weekend I'll be teaching Joey what to do because he most likely will be giving it to me. I just don't think I can bring myself to deliberately plunge a needle into my stomach. I'll do another shot of Follistim on Monday night, and then I'll go back to my specialist for another ultrasound to monitor my progress on Tuesday. Depending on what they say, I might have to return again on Thursday or Friday. There are two other meds--Ovidrel, another injection, and Prometrium--but I don't start those until I get the go-ahead from my doctor, based upon how my body is progressing.

Despite feeling overwhelmed, the one positive thing I have been feeling since last night when I unpacked and organized all of my meds and supplies, is gratitude. In the information packet I received there were receipts for the medications. It included the copay that I paid, and then the actual cost of the medication. One medication alone, without insurance, is over $2,500. And all I had to pay for it was $17. 

I won't lie to you. dealing with insurance through all of this is a headache. And sometimes I don't feel its fair that artificial reproductive methods aren't covered by the majority of insurance companies so people have to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to have the same reproductive capability as everyone else. But right now, I'm so grateful that at least at this stage in the process, the large majority of it is covered and that we can afford it. Sure, it stunk to pay the forty dollar copay for the whole package of medications and supplies, but considering how much its actually worth (both monetarily and as the potential method of creating our family), its practically an insignificant price to pay. I pray so much that we won't have to think about doing IVF or some of the other expensive procedures. I don't even know how we would do it. But for now, I'm glad that modern medicine progressed enough that there are medicinal ways to help fertility, and that right now, we can afford them. It makes me feel so blessed that as a young married couple, barely a year out of college, we have a stable job which provides health insurance. If it wasn't for Joey's job in the Navy, we might not be able to afford everything involved (the insurance, the copays, the meds, the gas to drive to the fertility clinic almost weekly) and we would have to put our dream on hold. While life in the military is certainly demanding, it is a blessing in our lives right now.

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Tonight Joey and I are going to the temple (after having to reschedule from Saturday), and I just can't wait. I love being there with my best friend and getting to have a truly special date night. 

I hope you have a great weekend, too!