The past few days I've been having a bit of a hard time drafting posts and thinking of things to write about, so please forgive me if this isn't the most well put together post, but I thought I'd share a little update and some thoughts.
Last night I took my ninth and final shot for this cycle. In total there were eight Follistim shots, and the ninth was the "trigger" Ovidrel.
Doing the injections wasn't too bad overall (except a lot of bloating, a lot of cramps, and a lot of tiredness), but some days it was hard. At 6:45 every night I'd sit down on the bed and start preparing the pen and getting things ready for Joey to help me, and I'd kind of lose my breath, I guess still shocked that this is all actually happening still. I'd lay down and hug a pillow tightly while Joey gave me the injection. Sometimes the shots hurt and would sting for fifteen or so minutes afterwards. Sometimes I'd cry. Sometimes I'd think about those to whom pregnancy came so quickly or easily, while I laid there on the bed as my husband injected chemicals into my body for just the smallest hope of increasing my chances from 4% to 10%--still half that of the average woman. How different this experience of creating our family could've been.
Joey and I have been marking the injection sites in order to keep track and make sure that we alternate sides and locations. As I stared at the nine little black dots this morning in the mirror, I thought about how I've had so much emphasis on my stomach, and yet for completely different reasons. I checked it daily to watch for any signs of infection at the injection site. I kept track as the number of little black dots grew. I turned to the side and could see how unbelievably bloated the medications made me, but remembered there's nothing in there.
I still have more medications to take over the next couple weeks while we essentially wait to see if anything worked, but at least I'm done with the shots and I'm done with going to the fertility clinic twice a week for ultrasounds and blood tests, thank goodness.
I don't mean to weird anyone out, and forgive me for my horribly untoned midsection. But this is part of my experience and I want to document it as much as everything else, so if/when the day comes when this is all over, I'll remember just what I did and what we did to have our dream family.
I've spend the last several minutes trying to write about a moment from the weekend that I just loved, but I just can't quite seem to get it out. And I think that might be because its something I just need to keep special for me. But, I guess what I will say is that I'm so grateful for the gospel and the opportunity to have a completely uplifting weekend and hear just what I need to hear. In general, I feel like I can do this. Sure, its hard sometimes, but I know I can do this. And what's more, I know that I have a Heavenly Father who knows what is happening right now and is taking care of me. I don't know what's going to happen or why, but I know He's helping me.