I'm So Over This.

Today has been a hard day.

I've certainly written less about infertility lately, and I suppose that's because we aren't doing any sort of treatment right now so there isn't really much to say. And for the sake of not beating you over the head with an endless onslaught of venting, I have refrained from sharing some of the regular thoughts, frustrations, and upsets that roll over month to month.

But dang it, today I'm so tired of being infertile. 

Eck. I hate that I even have to use that word. It feels so fatalistic. 

I won't go in to the details, but it really felt like this month was going to be the month. I remembered all the things I felt the last time I got pregnant, and I knew this had to be it. What really sealed the deal is my new ability to sob at every youtube video of a soldier surprising his kids, or ASPCA commercial of poor, pitiful puppies. Not just shed a tear or two, no. I mean loudly, uncontrollably weep for half an hour after the fact. Its embarrassing. And further, it doesn't help when people fill your head with dreamy anecdotes about their best friend's niece's cousin's so-and-so who got pregnant right after they had a miscarriage. So no matter how much I tried to suppress the what-if's and could-it-be's, they persisted and defiantly squeezed out every last ounce of rational, level headed thinking that should've reminded me that statistics say I have less than a 4% chance and I need to get real. My bad! But I'm pretty confident I am very not pregnant.

Sure, overall life is pretty good right now. I've had several friends remark to me that our life looks incredible, that they're so jealous of the activities we've gotten to do this summer. And I'll give it to 'em, we've done and seen some pretty neat things, like going to Boston for 4th of July, getting a fancy-schmancy camera, spending two weekends in NYC plus amazing seats at a Broadway show, doing some 'grown up shopping' as we like to call it, and eating some of the best food along the east coast. And hey, we're going to Italy in 27 days. And its been really fun. Its all been a fairly adequate distraction from infertility and a way of healing from the miscarriage. Its been great living in a bit of a fantasy, taking advantage of opportunities that, logistically and financially (not that we're really swimming in green right now by any means, though), we might not have again--or at least for quite some time. And sometimes I may have thought to myself, "ha, everyone else is spending their money on maternity clothes and cribs and burp cloths and I'm booking plane tickets to Italy, so suck it infertility!" 

But you know what? All of the traveling and adventures and excitement don't make days like today any easier. I can guarantee that. We've made a great effort to try to bury the underlying pain that hangs on to our hearts month to month with trips, fine eating, and shopping. But when it comes down to it, even a vacation to Europe isn't enough to fill the void created by infertility and the loss of our unborn little one that we remember nearly every day. 

I had so hoped that we'd have a very real miracle this summer, but I'm becoming more and more convinced that we won't be finished with our infertility clinic for quite some time.

See ya in September, CFS!

But again, despite all of this, I'd like to express how grateful I am for Joey. He is kind, patient, and so loving. His heart hurts as much as mine, yet he keeps going and carries me with him when I just can't do it myself. He is such an example to me and I'm so lucky to have him. 

Dates Like This Make Us Love it Here.

Last month I was sitting in out little hotel room (which I'm officially ready to get out of and back to our own apartment. If only that wasn't in South Carolina....) and caught a commercial on TV for this place---

So after Joey came home from work I convinced him to take me here for a mid week date, as well as a break from dinner at the hotel. I'm so glad we went because it turned out to be a great pick me up and a fun afternoon!

Seagulls, sailboats, little islands---this place is just flat out cute. We felt very...New England-y. Is that a thing?

The food and experience was just what we had been looking for. I don't know if we just haven't found them yet, but there aren't any cool little oceanside dock restaurants in Charleston, and when we go looking for seafood there, most of the time its fried or paired with southern foods and flavors. And southern food just isn't our thing. So being up here in Connecticut with seafood and flavors that we enjoy better has been really fun for us.

Obviously they're all about the lobster, but they also have some great oysters. Boy, those were some intense oysters! They were incredibly fresh, but the most briny ones I've ever had. Thank goodness for lemon and tabasco sauce for cutting through some of that saltiness. While I enjoy raw oysters, I think its one of those things I can only do sparingly. So after these ones, I think I'm set for a few more weeks!

This. This is what we really came for. We had been dying to find a good lobster roll! Now, such a task is apparently harder than we thought---see, most lobster rolls are like lobster salad on a bun, with lobster meat swimming in mayo and all that. What we wanted was a hot lobster roll. Its warm lobster, butter, sometimes some herbs, and a grilled roll. That's it. And its beyond tasty.

After we ate we stood on the edge of the dock and fed our left over oyster crackers to the giant fishies swimming below---Abbott's actually encourages it! A pretty nasty storm rolled in as we were finishing up, bringing too much wind for my copious amounts of fine, tangle-prone hair to handle. Luckily we got in the car before the torrential rain began--so glad we opted for an early dinner!

I can't help myself, this gave me a good chuckle. 

Thanks Abbott's for a great New England dinner!

A Rainy Day in Philadelphia.

After a couple days in DC and a quick lunch in Delaware so Joey could reconnect with an old friend, we headed to Philadelphia to stay with our good friends from SVU, Rachel and Nelson!

The night we got there the weather wasn't too bad, but of course the next day (and the day we planned on sight seeing and walking around) was grey, drizzly, and cold. I mean pretty much non-stop rain. All day. But hey, at least it was cool and we didn't get sweaty! Glass half full, people.

Rachel had to work (boo!) so Nelson took us out in the morning to see some of the major Philly sites. First stop was the Liberty Bell!

I loved the way the building was designed so that you can see the bell's former home, Independence Hall, behind it through the glass.

Our awesome friend and tour guide Nelson. Thanks for showing us around and getting soaked with us!

Next stop was Independence Hall which was a very exciting and humbling experience.

We're aware this photo's not in focus, but Joey liked it so its on here!

Loved the herringbone brick!

Another favorite part of Philadelphia was the murals throughout the city. Unfortunately because of the weather we didn't get a chance to see most of them, but I think its such a great initiative. The world can always use a little more art!

We got out of the rain for a bit and visited Reading Terminal Market. This place was totally up our alley. There were dozens of awesome artisans and food vendors, including a place called The Tubby Olive that sold a wide (and quite tasty) variety of olive oils and balsamic vinegars. Knowing that we were tentatively planning a trip to Italy in the fall (unaware that our trip would be much sooner than we thought! more on that later...) we decided to skip on the olive oil, but I did beg and plead for a beautiful glass jar of pure, raw clover honey. Joey just can't resist me ;)

Of course we had to try a philly cheesesteak while we were in Philly. Now, Nelson told us that the best one he's ever had is actually in DC near the temple, but you kinda just have to eat a Philly cheesesteak in Philly ("I wanted to eat pigs in a blanket, in a blanket"---can you name it?). You just have to. And though we didn't go on a hunt for the best place in Philly, I'm happy to report that ours was delicious and wonderful.

We also tried an Italian pulled pork sandwich from Dinics, which apparently has quite the reputation---best sandwich in America, in fact! It did not disappoint. While the sharp provolone was a little too overwhelming for my liking, Joey went crazy for that sandwich. Definitely a great eat!

And of course we had to try the peanut butter milkshake from Bassett's, America's oldest ice cream shop. This institution has been making ice cream since 1861! And just like our Italian pulled pork, the peanut butter milkshake did not disappoint!

After lunch at the market we met up with Nelson's mom---well not so much as met up with, more like she pulled up in the street and we quickly hopped in her van---who gave us a little driving tour around Philly. Nelson, your mom is fearless! But we had a lot of fun jumping out to see something then hopping back in the van and driving to the next stop. I don't think we could've had anyone better to show us the highlights of Philadelphia!

One of the stops was a sketchy, hole in the wall chinese cookie place. Now I'll be honest, when Nelson's mom told us that she loves getting their delicious fortune cookies, we were skeptical. All we could think about were the yellow cookies we get at a chinese restaurant that we break open solely for the fortune (which most times isn't even really a fortune) and then toss in the garbage. We were so wrong! I get that not everyone likes fortune cookies, but these were mighty tasty. Nothing like the ones you normally get. They were crunchy and light and so fresh---we actually saw them making some! A whole bag was dirt cheap--what, like $1.75 for a few dozen? Lucky for us we got the rest of the bag to take with us to Connecticut and we ate as many as we could before they started to go stale---it was a big bag for only two people! Oh and ps: try them with a little dab of peanut butter. Mind blowing.

We filled the rest of our time in Philadelphia with warm, dry clothes, naps, water ice (which Nelson swore up and down is not Italian ice), and some really fun dinners with Nelson's family. I was sad when I looked through our photos and realized that we didn't have a single one with Rachel, but so glad that we got to see her and Nelson for a couple days. We love you guys! Thank you again for hosting us and being so wonderful!

It Felt Good to be Back.

So remember that time when we stopped in DC for a couple days on our way to Connecticut, way back at the beginning of June? Ha well I'm finally here, sharing those photos. Talk about better late than never!

The first day we visited the temple where we got married and surprised our dear friend Jenna who's serving her mission in DC, but our second day was all about DC staples like the National Zoo and the National Gallery of Art. Art and zoo animals---two of my favorite things!

Friends, I love the zoo. Probably as much as I love the aquarium. I'm right up at the front of the fence with all the little field trip kids, going crazy any time the animal does, well, anything. What was so great about this trip was that we went in the morning so all the animals were bright-eyed and bushy tailed (some quite literally) and we got to see so much more of them than when we've gone in the afternoon and half of them are napping. 

That stork. I've got a bone to pick with that stork.

Flamingos are always a favorite.

These guys were being so friendly---their gorgeous tail feathers even brushed my foot! And has anyone else ever noticed that the sounds Kevin makes in Up are actually a peacock's?

Awesome.

Hey look! Its Cameron and Courtney! We were so lucky to meet up with them for a couple meals while were in DC. Its always great to see old college friends!

After the zoo and lunch with the Squires we headed to the (so wonderfully air conditioned) National Gallery.

We kind of have a habit of getting one of these chocolate eclair ice cream bars whenever we walk around DC. 

Maybe its because we miss Remy so so much, but we love sculptures with dogs included. So beautiful!

Joey loves the Degas sculpture collection, particularly the horses.

Ok see that special exhibit? Diaghilev and the Ballet Russes? If its still open and you're in the DC area---GO. It was incredible! One of my favorite exhibits I've seen. The costumes were beautiful and it was interesting to see how closely artists like Picasso and Manet worked with this culturally forward ballet. We wish we could've seen it again!

For dinner we were dying for some great pasta. I mean I literally googled "best penne vodka in Washington DC". We found this place called Acqua al 2 near capitol hill and it turned out to be a great find. And, their penne vodka did turn out to be quite delicious! 

And of course, what's a great pasta dinner without some Pitango gelato for dessert?

While we sat outside eating our gelato I noticed a plume of smoke near us, and since we weren't in an industrial area I knew it couldn't have been steam from a factory or anything like that. A few minutes later we started to smell wood burning and the smoke became darker and thicker. As we walked towards our metro stop we noticed crowds of people, dozens of police and fire department vehicles, news crews, and yellow caution tape everywhere. Trying not to let our minds wander to the worst scenario (you know, the T word), we moved a little closer to one of the news crews to see if we could over hear what happened. It was then that we found out that a hardware store and community icon had caught on fire just moments ago. We never found out much more about the situation and how much damage had been done but the last I heard was that no one was hurt during the incident. So anyways, as we looked towards the location of the fire and blackness filling the air, I turned around and snapped this photo of the capitol with the smoky haze slowly creeping towards it. 

The next day we left for Philadelphia (up next!) on our tour up the east coast. Though we were only in DC for a brief couple days, it was great to revisit old favorites from our time in Virginia!