the past couple weeks have been pretty difficult. my dad and his sister pretty much ripped me apart when i told them about joining the peace corps. they were so not happy with me...with my dad its nothing new really; unless i join the air force he honestly isn't proud of or happy with anything i do. they also began to bash on temples and temple marriages, so i know that that is another battle down the road.
i love my dad, but i really hate that he knows nothing about me and we have nothing in common. truly we are night and day. it makes me sad. i wish i could talk to him about things, and tell him about things im excited about, or have him give me a blessing, or talk about the gospel, but he doesnt take me seriously and mocks almost everything i do. its a shame really.
without going into the nasty details, im having a hard time at home. often i feel like i don't fit in, that im just different. i feel alone alot.
the past few days ive been praying so hard for God to soften my heart towards my family, but to also help ease the pain and sadness i feel. ive been praying for friends that i can turn to when i need a break (for the past three years i have spent summer virtually alone; i dont have any old friends from high school and only acquaintances from church).
God answered my prayers, and people from my stake that i knew in high school began talking to me and inviting me to things. i was so grateful, but at the same time, it was a little tough...i mean i hadn't seen them in years so i didn't have much to talk to them about, i don't go to BYU like the rest of them, which comes up more than you would think..., and i just noticed that i wasn't meshing with them as well as i do with people at SVU. i wanted to participate and have friends so badly, but it was a bigger adjustment than i thought.
i continued to pray for help, and God didn't give up on me and continued to bless me. several times this week when i really needed a friend or someone to ask me to sit with them at church when i was alone, someone was there. it happened at church today and i just sat there repeating in my head, "thank you, thank you, thank you".
I don't know if any of this made sense, but after this week i have seen that Heavenly Father is so loving and is blessing my life constantly. i also learned however, that if we ask for something and He gives it to us, we cannot refuse that gift when its presented. If i pray for just one friend, and someone comes along and invites me to something, i can't say no. like i said, its an adjustment, but if i have faith to consider asking for help, i've got to have faith that what God has suggested or given to me will work.
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