121 Days Down: Baby Update.

Confession: We haven't taken a single, deliberate 'baby bump' photo this entire time. I just didn't want everything to be documented with subpar iPhone photos of my reflection in a fluorescent lit, dusty bathroom mirror (as if most of us don't already feel un-photogenic as it is, am I right?), so for the past four months I've told myself 'oh, this Sunday I'll have Joey take one' or, 'I'll just snag Joey for a photo when he gets off his 12 hour shift at 8:30 in the morning'. Oh, me and my silly dreams. And then, all of a sudden, I was at 17 weeks and didn't have a single progress shot. 

But Friday morning I realized, 'Hey dummy, you have a tripod in the closet, ya know'. So, feeling like a complete and total goober, I stood out on the porch with a tripod and spent forever and a day trying to produce a couple moderately photogenic photos to document how things are looking with this little carrot.

So, uhhh, here we are!

Here are some of the highlights from the past few months:

First trimester wasn't so horrible. I only threw up twice, but had nausea and food aversions out the wazoo. I was definitely tired all the time--did you know your body is producing up to 50% more blood and your poor little heart is having to try to pump it all still? No wonder you get tired!

I'm not as much of an emotional wreck as I was the first trimester, but the hormonal crying has still continued. Some of our favorite reasons that I've cried:

- Remy trying to sit on my lap when I didn't want her to

- Remy sticking her head in my water glass

- The last episode of season 3 of Downton Abbey (begging Joey, 'don't ever leave me!' while sobbing for 30 minutes)

- A gum commercial

- A pet food commercial

- Watching Mulan

- Crossing the Virginia state line

- My shirt was bunching up in my underarms

- A crockpot meal I made that I thought looked yucky (another 30 minute sobbing fest)

- Having to put Remy in her crate so we could go to the ER (I apologized profusely to her, crying, 'I'm so sorry!')

- My feet were hot

Food has been a bit tricky. At the beginning I started craving stuff I would never, ever normally eat, like pb&j uncrustables, bologna and cheese sandwiches (Joey wouldn't give in to that one), and one day I even almost turned around for Arby's. Arby's, people! I haven't eaten there since at least middle school. Luckily that phase is over. I also started having major aversions. Arugula and other leafy greens would make me gag, and even now, I still can't eat a dang salad without feeling like I'm eating dirt. Fresh fruits and veggies, as well as roasted veggies (all of which I used to love) are also no longer appealing, so I've been trying to drink more vegetable juice and smoothies with beets, greens, and cucumbers in them. Its been very frustrating sometimes, not having an appetite for much of anything, but I'm trying to do the best I can. The most recent food fixation: toasted english muffins with cream cheese, tons of tomato slices, and salt + pepper. I've already had it for two meals today….and could still eat more of them.

I've had to learn that you really can't compare baby bump sizes. I have friends who are weeks ahead of me who are still practically flat as a board, and other friends who are due after me that look farther along than I do. I feel self conscious sometimes being in public or at church because I wonder if people comment about my size, but honestly and truly, every body is different. Number of previous pregnancies, position of the uterus, and lots of other things change how you look, and there's no right or wrong way, really, to look while pregnant. My doctor says the little carrot is growing just fine and I'm measuring exactly where I should, so we're all good. I've also come to accept that I'm just plain short, so the baby has to go somewhere!

I've been getting better, but I've also had to learn that shifting from infertility to pregnancy can be a hard transition. I could write a whole other post about this (I've been meaning to actually), but the bottom line is, pregnancy doesn't magically make all of the emotional parts of infertility go away. For instance, in the first couple months of being pregnant I couldn't even go to baby stores or Motherhood Maternity without feeling major anxiety and sadness. It was like my irrational side imagined everyone around me saying, 'Oh look, there's Megan. She's the infertile one, and now she thinks she belongs here with us'. Completely bananas? Yes. But it happens. Like I said, luckily I'm getting better at it, with much thanks to Joey and other similar women I've been able to talk to about pregnancy after infertility. 

Since I hit 12 weeks I've been getting migraines. I guess it just happens sometimes if you've had a previous history of them (this guy over here). So for more than five weeks now, I get migraines about 4-5 days a week, and there's not much to do about it. Tylenol, Coca-Cola, Sudafed, essential oil, massages, every conceivable old wives tale remedy---nothing's working. My doctor has also prescribed me a couple meds to try (including lortab even), and they're not helping either. Its very frustrating not being able to really function when they start up, but I wouldn't trade it for the world if this is what I've gotta do to grow a baby. Here's to hoping they end with this trimester!

Lest this post lead you to think that this has been a negative experience, we really are feeling glass-half-full about everything! I'm sleeping better than I did the first trimester, and while its tricky working around the migraines, I've got more energy to get things done. The nausea is pretty much gone too, which is such a welcome relief! Its been very fun slowly collecting baby items--Black Friday shopping consisted of getting some of our cloth diaper stash and a couple carriers ( and then testing out the carriers with our dog who is conveniently newborn size...), and Joey has just been the cutest about researching baby things, keeping track of the baby's progress with different iPhone apps, and getting so excited about being a daddy. He likes to kneel down by my stomach, give it a little tap, and say, 'Baby? Hi baby! I sure do love you'. Mushy? You bet. But I love that he cares so much! I've also finally found a prenatal yoga video that I really like, which may not seem like a big deal, but man it feels good! It really helps physically but also helps me stay focused on the big picture and the hopes we have for this experience and our growing family. And today's big 'awww' moment: I felt the babe moving around for the first time today! We were sitting in church and that little carrot just started movin' and groovin'! I guess baby Fleshman really likes them Christmas hymns. 

Well once again I have managed to write a novel. It shouldn't by now, but my long winded writing takes me by surprise every time--and leaves me feeling slightly embarrassed. But hey! My blog, right? Thanks for letting me share. Like I mentioned in our announcement post, I don't want to flood you with baby stuff, but I'm grateful to take a few moments every now and then to celebrate our rainbow baby and let the people we care about know how things are going over in our neck of the woods. 

Have a great Sunday--and yay! Its Christmas week!