I've clearly been absent from the blog since our world practically fell apart a couple weeks ago. Its now been a week since I had a D&C, two and a half weeks since we found out we lost our little one. I should be eight and a half weeks pregnant right now.
Though we have tried to gain some sense of normalcy since then, including a simply wonderful anniversary in downtown Charleston last Friday, blogging (about both infertility and our every day life) has certainly fallen to the wayside for now. I know I made a promise to myself to be open about infertility and what its really like, regardless of whether or not every day was rosy. But right now I think I need to take a break. Its hard to feel like many things matter right now (showering, wearing something other than sweatpants....you get it), and I suppose blogging is one of those things that just doesn't matter currently. I also know that right now, I am very angry. I'm upset and I'm confused and I'm mad. Its not fair (and so help the person who tells me 'life's not fair'...). And as honest as I'd like to be about all of this, I fear that how I feel at this point in the grieving process and the resulting words I'd like to write might inadvertently be hurtful to others. And I made a goal for myself that I would do my best not to talk about other people and that, to the best of my ability, I would be conscious and respectful of other people's feelings.
So I suppose the best option right now is to continue taking a temporary break, probably until we get to New England in a couple weeks.
I'm grateful to those who have supported us through this struggle. We have received love and prayers from some great people, and even from old friends I haven't seen or spoken with since high school. I'll be honest with you, miscarrying over Mothers Day and right before your wedding anniversary, and having a D&C while some of your friends have their own babies that same day just sucks. It really sucks. But to those who reached out to us by text or email or a phone call and let us know we weren't forgotten and that we were cared about, we are so grateful for you and appreciate your kindness.
Though we have tried to gain some sense of normalcy since then, including a simply wonderful anniversary in downtown Charleston last Friday, blogging (about both infertility and our every day life) has certainly fallen to the wayside for now. I know I made a promise to myself to be open about infertility and what its really like, regardless of whether or not every day was rosy. But right now I think I need to take a break. Its hard to feel like many things matter right now (showering, wearing something other than sweatpants....you get it), and I suppose blogging is one of those things that just doesn't matter currently. I also know that right now, I am very angry. I'm upset and I'm confused and I'm mad. Its not fair (and so help the person who tells me 'life's not fair'...). And as honest as I'd like to be about all of this, I fear that how I feel at this point in the grieving process and the resulting words I'd like to write might inadvertently be hurtful to others. And I made a goal for myself that I would do my best not to talk about other people and that, to the best of my ability, I would be conscious and respectful of other people's feelings.
So I suppose the best option right now is to continue taking a temporary break, probably until we get to New England in a couple weeks.
I'm grateful to those who have supported us through this struggle. We have received love and prayers from some great people, and even from old friends I haven't seen or spoken with since high school. I'll be honest with you, miscarrying over Mothers Day and right before your wedding anniversary, and having a D&C while some of your friends have their own babies that same day just sucks. It really sucks. But to those who reached out to us by text or email or a phone call and let us know we weren't forgotten and that we were cared about, we are so grateful for you and appreciate your kindness.
Enjoy the rest of May, everyone, and we'll be back again in June.
No comments:
Post a Comment